Why I Said No to a Coffee Date (and What It Taught My Friend About Self-Worth)

You can tell a lot about a person from the way they suggest a first date.

So when a man I’d been chatting with online invited me to meet “halfway” at a chain coffee shop just off the highway, my answer was simple: no. Not because I’m high-maintenance, but because it didn’t feel right — and I’ve learned that how you feel matters.

What I didn’t expect was that this small decision would not only make me laugh later, but would also give my friend — a highly successful businesswoman who still struggles with dating confidence — a whole new perspective on her own self-worth.

Last week, I went shopping with a good friend who needed help picking an outfit for a speed dating event. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, so we laughed, shopped, and caught up. As we were saying goodbye, I shared a recent dating story — one of those “Men!” moments we all have.

A man I’d matched with online asked me to meet for coffee. Normal enough — until I realized he lived almost an hour away, and even though he was retired and had more time, he still wanted to meet “halfway” at a coffee shop just off the highway. Not a charming little café. Not someplace memorable. Just…convenient for him.

My first thought? What a horrible setting for what’s supposed to be a first, possibly magical, meeting. My second thought was If he can’t be bothered to come to me, he’s showing me who he is right from the start. So I politely declined. Interestingly enough, a month later, he messaged me again, proving that my “no” didn’t shatter his world. I laughed it off and moved on.

Two days later, my friend called to tell me how the speed dating went. The event itself wasn’t a success in the romance department, but she told me something that made my whole week — she’d walked in feeling more confident than ever.

She said she’d been nervous at first, but after spending the afternoon with me, something shifted. A man she met even commented that she had a “boss lady” vibe. She realized she felt that way — and it surprised her.

She’d shared my coffee date story with a friend who’d gone to the event with her, and both of them admitted they probably would have accepted that date — even if they didn’t love the idea. They both realized they needed to work on valuing themselves more and being okay with expecting a certain standard of treatment.

Then she said something that made me pause: “You should be speaking to women about this. I know so many who need to hear it. I’d pay $100 to hear you talk about it.” Her friend agreed.

I laughed and said, “If someone wants to pay to hear me talk, I’m in!” But she was serious. And it hit me — my years of dating, heartbreak, lessons, and self-discovery weren’t just for me. They’d given me tools that other women could use.

That conversation lifted my spirits and reminded me that maybe, just maybe, I’m exactly where I’m meant to be — with my new book coming out in the world very soon, and more on the way.

💜 Because when we know our worth, we don’t just change our own lives — we give other women permission to raise their standards too.